


Trust

by intelligentle



Category: Chicago Code
Genre: F/M, Family, Family Drama, Non-Canon Relationship, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-18
Updated: 2014-03-18
Packaged: 2018-01-16 04:07:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1331320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intelligentle/pseuds/intelligentle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jarek teaches his son a lesson about having a loaded gun in the house, revealing the sacrifices he and Teresa are making for their family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trust

**Author's Note:**

> I began to write this sometime in 2012 after seeing the Blue Bloods episode entitled "The Job." The scene where Danny is showing his son his gun inspired this story. Finally finished it. Hope you enjoy.

_“I want to be a cop just like you dad when I grow up.”_

 

James waited silently in the living room for his father.  His eyes scanned the room for anything that could push away the anxiety inside him.  His father said he’d wanted to show him something and it made him believe he was in trouble.  He could hear sounds from the upstairs bedroom where his sister was.  Mom was trying to put her to sleep but it didn’t sound like it was working.  His father was up there too, probably helping her.  He heard raised voices and knew they were arguing again.  He didn’t like when they argued.  It was mostly about how his father was almost always never there and how his mother was always taking care of them.  Sometimes he wished his mom would remember that his father was police, sworn to protect and defend the city they were living in.  When he thought of this, it reminded him how he was always telling everyone at school the great things his father did for the Chicago PD. When he grew up, he wanted to be just like his dad.  Pride filled him and he thought about what his own dad was doing for him every day.

 

A door closed and he heard someone coming down the stairs.   He quickly gathered his thoughts as his father entered the room.

“Hey, kiddo.  You all right?”

Jarek looked up from the stairs and saw his son waiting for him on the couch, the anxiety still present in his eyes.

James leveled his blue eyes with his father’s and putting on a smile said, “Yes.”

Jarek knew in his heart that his son was only trying to please him, to hide what was truly bothering him.  “You’re not in trouble you know.” He saw some of the anxiety leave his son’s face.

Joining him on the couch, he ruffled his hair.  James laughed.

“How’s Mom doing?”

“She’s doing fine.”

“And sis?”

“She’s doing fine too.  Took a while for her to calm down though.  All she wanted to do was play with her toys.”  Jarek scratched his head before drawing his hands across his face.  He was tired from another long day and dealing with Teresa and their daughter was not helping.  But looking at his son and how happy he was to just be with him made some of those thoughts ebb away.

“I want to show you something.” Jarek turned to his side and pulled out his firearm, the gleaming metal shining in the light. James’ eyes widened, the moment having finally arrived.

“Wow.”

Impulsively, he reached over to take it from his father’s hands. Jarek shrank back when he remembered the gun was loaded.

“No. No touching. Just looking.” James lowered his gaze in embarrassment.

“You know what this is don’t you?”

“Yeah. It’s a gun.”

“Right. It’s a gun. Do you know what cops do with these things?”

“They shoot bad guys with them?”

“Yes, but that isn’t the only thing.  Now, I’m showing this to you because I trust you and I know that when you are older you will understand what having this gun means. The power it can have on you.”

“But I thought cops used their guns all the time? Like you dad.”

“Well cops don’t use them all the time. They have them for protection as well as for the bad guys.”

Jarek saw his son watching the gun closely as if it was another presence in the room. He was in awe of it.

“Here.” He took his son’s hand and placed it around the grip, making sure his finger wasn’t near the trigger. He felt how heavy it was. Jarek took his hands away for a moment to let him feel the weight.

“Wow.”

“Heavy huh?”

“Yeah. You have to carry this around with you along with that other stuff?”

“Yes. Your badge, your holster, your vest and your radio. He pulled each one out from the belt he had lying by his side. “And we also have these belts too that we wear,” he said, holding it up so James could see it clearly. “These are the most important things to have with you.  It’s not easy being a cop.” He waited until this sunk in before continuing. “Being a cop is more than just being tough, holding a gun and showing it off.  It’s about protecting those who love you.”

James smiled. “Like mom and sis?”

“Exactly like mom and sis.”  Jarek took the gun back, holding it in front of him.

“She told me once that you had to save her.  That you had to kill someone to save her. She said you had no choice but to kill him because he was going to hurt mom.”

Jarek stared straight ahead. His eyes glazed over as a memory washed over him.  Suddenly the gun he was holding felt heavier than usual.  Dragged down by the weight of those that had died by him.

He looked back over at James who’d been watching him intently.  Reaching over, he put his hand on his son’s knee.  

“Well that was an exception. Your mother....your mother is a very special person.  I love her and protect her with my life.”

“I know you do, dad,” James said smiling wide. “That’s why you’re awesome.” He spread his arms wide and setting the gun down Jarek hugged his son, holding him tight. He placed a kiss on his forehead and James wiggled in his arms.

“Dad, don’t do that! It’s gross!”

Jarek continued to hold him tighter worried about what he had said earlier.  When he pulled him away, James asked to see the gun again and Jarek obliged holding it in his hands with him.

 

Teresa heard the laughter coming from the living room and having finally put their daughter to sleep, descended the stairs to be with them. As she neared the bottom step, she looked up and her face fell, momentarily filled with terror.

James’ fingers were dangerously close to the trigger and she had this mental image of the gun going off and hitting them both.

 

“What are you doing?!”

 

Jarek froze and James turned around slowly. He quickly removed his hands from his father’s gun as Jarek tried to hide it.

“Nothing. We weren’t doing anything.”

“You’re a terrible liar Jarek. You always were. Don’t pretend to think I didn’t know what you were doing.” James looked down, embarrassed and angry that he had shamed his mother.

“James, go upstairs. I can hear your sister crying again.”

He looked at his dad for reassurance but Jarek couldn’t give him any and leaving his side began to trudge up the stairs. Jarek stood up and faced his wife.

“You showed him your gun! Jarek, what were you thinking!”

“I thought that...well... since he’s starting to get old enough to know about these sorts of things that he should know there’s a gun in the house.” He ran a hand through his hair nervously, looking at her sideways.  He stepped back as she stepped closer.

“Did you even think as to what could have happened if it went off accidentally?”

“Teresa, it’s my gun. I think I know how to handle it.”

“And that makes it all right?”

“No, it doesn’t, but….”

“But what?!”

“The gun wasn’t loaded, Teresa.  I had complete control over the situation. It would never have gone off.”

She turned away, not believing him.

“What?”

“I don’t know...I don’t know…”

“What!? Tell me!”

“You say you have complete control but what if you didn't and what does showing him your gun do for us!?”

“He needs to know about it sooner rather than later. He needs to be a part of it.  Do you really want the day to come where he’s snooping around in our room, he finds my gun and it’s loaded.”

They entered the kitchen and Teresa gripped the counter so hard her knuckles turned white.

“I don’t want that to happen.  By showing him my gun, he knows it’s there and he knows that it’s not a toy.” He waited for a reply but none was given.  

“The biggest mistake we can make is to pretend that my gun does not exist in this house.”

She whipped around. “But why now? Why do we have to let him be a part of this?”

“Because the longer we wait, the more his curiosity will peak and then he won’t realize it’s anything but a toy!”

“What about Amelia then?  Is...is she going to have this talk too?!”

“Leave my daughter out of this….”

“I don’t want to lose our children to some freak accident any more than you do.  But I am afraid that even though you tell him that that gun isn’t a toy he will still try to seek it out.”

“Teresa,  he’s almost ten years old…..”

“It doesn’t matter.  He knows it’s there now and he…”

“Well, I trust him!”

“Well, I don’t!”  Her lips trembled.

“I don’t trust the fact that there is going to come a day when Amelia is going to have this same talk with you….”

“Your daughter?!,” she screamed, tears streaming down her face.  “I thought she was our daughter, Jarek!  When did our children become things in this house that are “yours” and “mine!”

“You know I didn’t mean it that way.”  He leaned against a wall, stricken by her outburst.

He knew what was coming.

“You’re never here, Jarek,” she sobbed. “You’re never here except one day a week when I and James, and Amelia can actually see you during the daytime.”

He took a shaky breath. “Teresa, please stop crying.” He could feel his chest becoming tight, fighting back tears that were threatening to fall.

“I wake up, I take James to school, I come home and do everything around the house that I need to but it isn’t enough.”

The wall of emotion he’d been building inside him broke with her next words.

“I left my job - the job I had been fighting for my entire life. The respect I had worked to gain over all these years for this. I wanted to be with you knowing that if we ever did have children that you and I would be able to support them.”

He reached out his hand but she wouldn’t touch him.  Decided to lay her truest thought bare.

“Sometimes….sometimes I wish……” she exhaled trying to control herself.  “That you would leave, stop being a cop, so that we could truly be a family.”  She saw what she was doing to him, how everything had changed with just a few words.

“But I know you’ll never do that because you love it too much.”

“You’re right,” he said, leveling his eyes with hers.  “You’re right that I wouldn’t leave because it’s what I had always been meant to do. Always wanted to do.  But, it isn’t just because of us.”

At this her eyes flickered towards him.

“I can’t stop being a cop.  He doesn’t want me to.”

Silence - she waited until he dropped the ball.

“He knows.”  He’d turned away, leaning against the frame, unable to look at her.

“Knows about what?”  When he didn’t respond she moved towards him.  “Jarek, look at me, what does he know?”

He turned towards her afraid for what she might say or do.  She saw the tears brimming again and fear coursed through her.

“My secret.”

A beat.

“He knows that I killed someone to save your life.”

She closed her eyes slowly, gathering courage. “How? Why? Did he ask about it?,” she stammered.  Jarek saw the realization cross her face when she remembered a conversation she’d had with her son, long buried and forgotten.

“I was telling him about how guns work. Protecting those we love. He asked about you.”  He finally reached out and took her hand, fighting the mixture of love and pain that it brought.

“I had to tell him.”

She squeezed his hand tightly, their faults becoming ever so clear.

“He wants to be a police officer when he grows up. I don’t want him to remember me by killing someone. I don’t want that to be “awesome” for him.”

 

He retreated to the stairs, but turned back once more.

 

“I’m sorry,” he pleaded. “I’m sorry that I’m not here all the time for you and for our kids.  I truly am doing the best I can. Being with him over there on that couch made me feel proud that I’m his father. I need to be that for him. He wants me to be that for him. I trusted him knowing that he would be responsible with this.”

 

He took the first step. “And I need you to trust me too.”

 

Looking up, he could her their daughter crying again.  James ducked back into his room as he heard his father ascend the stairs.  Teresa let the weight of the moment sink in, Jarek’s gun sitting ominous on the glass coffee table.


End file.
